Try as much as is possible to connect with your ex on common interests, hobbies, and the things you are both passionate about. Go further and appreciate your ex’s interests even if it’s not something you are particularly interested in.
That said, if you only focus only on sharing common interests and hobbies your interactions will feel superficial. It’ll feel like a waste of time trying to even reach out.
It’s your job to steer contact to deeper conversations and one of the most effective ways to do this keep the conversation going and don’t hold back on emotional connection. For example, if you both like reading books of a particular genre, read some books and then share your feelings about it and invite your ex to share their feelings. You could also talk about your ‘feelings” about the world, the environment, the universe, whatever.
And don’t take it personally if a conversation doesn’t always turn out the way you hoped. Talking about ‘feelings” with an ex is a delicate balance.
It’s also important to note that in the initial stages of the process, talking to your ex everyday may be the reason conversations are shallow and surface level. Besides the fear of bringing up “emotions and feelings” and scaring them off, talking everyday does not allow for there to be something to talk about. Many people find themselves struggling to find things to talk about, especially if you’re not doing much.
Another reason why conversations with an ex are shallow and surface level is connecting and disconnecting and then trying to reconnect again. Every time you reconnect it is how are you, how is work, how is family…. disconnect, then repeat. You never get to deep conversations because there is no continuity.