One of the Dos and Don’ts In The Initial Stages listed in Dating Your Ex is not talking about the old relationship, or at least bringing it up yourself. The chances of finding yourselves back in the old dynamic and old relationship are so high, not to mention getting caught up in the emotions of the break-up.
In the initial stages and even throughout the process of trying to attract back your ex, it’s good practice to keep most conversations with your ex positive and mostly about what’s going on day to day, or week to week depending on how often you contact each other. It doesn’t mean you can’t talk about the past or share your dreams for the future, it means the majority of your conversations should be in the ‘present’.
Sometimes however, it is not possible to have positive and uplifting conversations all the time, and in some cases trying to be ‘positive’ or putting a silver lining to a situation that requires you to listen and respond with empathy may actually hurt than help.
An example is when your ex shares something going on in their life that is bothering them, they are having a hard time dealing with, or is simply depressing, you may be tempted to say something to make them feel better, give advice on what you would do in that situation, change the topic or make jokes to try to distract them from how they are feeling. Your heart is in a good place and your intentions are good, but it may not be the right response.
They are sharing their emotional experience with you, hoping that you can pick up on their underlying needs, understand their experience and thought processes, and empathize with them. Make sure you connect with them and make them feel heard, listened to, understood and valued.
Watch this video to learn what an empathetic response looks and feels like.