I have written so many articles about how dismissive avoidants handle break-ups and why the come back, but “How I Handled Break-Ups As A Dismissive Avoidant Ex” was one of the hardest to write because it’s about me.
I decided to write an article from a dismissive avoidant’s point of view as there are so many misconceptions on how dismissive avoidants deal with break-ups mainly from an anxious or fearful avoidant attachment perspective.
As a coach helping exes attract back dismissive avoidants, it breaks my heart and sometimes makes me feel hopeless listening to things about dismissive avoidants, how they love and how they handle break-ups that I know aren’t true.
There is no doubt that a relationship with a dismissive avoidant is hard and can take a toll on one’s mental health. They show no interest or consideration for your feelings, constantly ignore your needs, disappear for long stretches of time and get angry when you ask for their time or try to get close. These are all facts about a dismissive attachment style, but some so-called dismissive avoidants are in fact people who weren’t interested in the first place, are manipulative and abusive and it has nothing to do with them being a dismissive avoidant or “catfish” and not interested in a real relationship.
By writing about how I handled break-ups as a dismissive avoidant, I hope that it will provide more insight into how dismissive avoidants handle break-ups from the perspective of someone who had a dismissive avoidant attachment; and help others who do not have a dismissive avoidant attachment style explore and learn more about a dismissive avoidant attachment from a dismissive avoidant perspective.
Being a dismissive avoidant changed my thinking, my feelings, my view of people in relationships (as needy, weak, unhappy on their own), and how I felt after a break-up. It was not all relief and excitement as some people claim dismissive avoidants feel after a break-up. Sometimes it was relief, sometimes it was anger and sometimes I felt like a really bad person for hurting someone who tried to love me.
Like most dismissive avoidant exes, I’d have thought about breaking up for a while before the actual break-up. I didn’t dwell on why or how the break-up happened, my emotions and feelings about it or my ex. I also didn’t think or miss my exes after a break-up, and even when I did, it wasn’t like is “I miss you so much and wish we didn’t break-up.”
There were two exes I tried to get back together with, but it didn’t work out because of my dismissive avoidant tendencies.
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