Dismissive Avoidants DO THIS When They Regret The Breakup

If you are looking for signs that a dismissive avoidant regrets the breakup, it’s important understand that a dismissive avoidant’s regret may not look like the typical emotional regret you might expect from someone with an anxious, fearful or secure attachment style.

You may be expecting an emotional apology, an admission that they were wrong, or some expression of how much they hurt you. You may also expect their regret to come with a noticeable emotional response: sadness, vulnerability, remorse, or a desire to talk openly about what happened.

But a dismissive avoidant may regret the breakup but not express it in any of these obvious ways.

Instead, of an emotional apology or an emotional acknowledgement of the breakup, what you will likely get is an intellectual or logical acknowledgment of the breakup, factual fixes of what went wrong and, sometimes, practical changes in how they approach things.

This is what makes dismissive avoidant regret particularly difficult to recognize or convincing.

Here are four things dismissive avoidants do when they regret the breakup that may not look like regret on the outside, but are actually them admitting and expressing regret.

1. They acknowledge mistakes without necessarily apologizing

They may say, “I didn’t handle that well.” This allows them to take responsibility but not offer an emotional apology like, “I’m so sorry. I hurt you and I regret what I did.”

It also allows them to be vulnerable while protecting their pride. If you refuse the “apology” or respond by turning the conversation into blame, they can easily walk everything back without much damage to their ego.

2. They want you to know they see your good qualities

This is significant because dismissive avoidants think of themselves positively but have a low opinion of others especially the people they’re in a relationship with.

In relationships, especially towards the end of the relationship, they start focusing more on a partner’s flaws and shortcoming to justify to themselves why the relationship is not working. So them acknowledge positive qualities they previously overlooked or took for granted means they know they royally screwed up.

3. They give you control over whether contact continues

They tell you they’d like to maintain the connection but leave contact or reopening lines of communication to you.

For an attachment style that likes to control how someone exists in their life, giving someone else control is significant. This is their way of saying, “I regret keeping you at a distance. I’m willing to give up some of that control rather than risk losing the connection altogether.”

4. They make effort to keep the connection alive

Dismissive avoidants show care mostly through acts of service instead through emotional expression. It therefore makes sense that instead of verbalizing regret, they show it through increased effort to maintain the connection.

They may become more available, initiate more contact, follow through more consistently, or find practical ways to stay involved in your life.

Regret doesn’t always mean they’ll come back

So when you are looking for signs that a dismissive avoidant regrets the breakup, it is important to look beyond the things you would expect someone who regrets a breakup to say.

A dismissive avoidant can recognize that they made a mistake, handled things badly, or lost someone they now realize had qualities they valued, but regret does not necessarily create the emotional desire to get back together.

They may think, “I shouldn’t have ended things the way I did,” without the emotional motivation that pushes them towards, “I need to do something about it.”

This explains why a dismissive avoidant reaches out after the breakup, tells you they regret how they handled things and that you deserved better, then disappears.

What is missing is the emotional motivation needed to act on that regret or want to change anything.

And even when they decide they want to give the relationship another try, it’s often not an emotional decision about whether they still have feelings for an ex or think enough time has passed since the breakup. It’s more about whether the relationship can work in a real, practical way.

Important take aways…

While this article is about what dismissive avoidants do when they regret the breakup, it can also help you understand:

• How dismissive avoidants process significant emotional events
• Why they might logically understand their faults and even admit to a mistake, but completely fail to show the emotional motivation needed to fix what happened.
• Why some of your conflicts may come from the fact that one person processes the world more cognitively while the other processes it more emotionally.
• If your relationship is worth trying to save or if your differences are too significant to overcome.
• Why your dismissive avoidant ex has reached out even when what you had was real.

RELATED:

How Dismissive Avoidants Come Back – Detailed Analysis

Why Avoidants Unexpectedly Come Back On Their Own

Why Dismissive Avoidants Want a Securely Attached Ex Back

How Dismissive Avoidants Quickly Adjust to Losing You