Avoidant Ex Taking Long To Reply Should I Bring It Up?
Question: My avoidant ex takes days to respond and it bothers me. Should I bring it up that it bothers me? I just found…
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Question: My avoidant ex takes days to respond and it bothers me. Should I bring it up that it bothers me? I just found…
If your avoidant ex’s behaviours have been consistently distant they’re likely a dismissive avoidant, but if their behaviours are generally confusing and contradicting, they’re likely a fearful avoidant.
It’s not uncommon for a dismissive avoidant ex to decide months or even years later that they’re ready for a relationship and want to give things another chance. Tell them exactly how you truly feel.
When you ignore a fearful avoidant, they feel sad, rejected, abandoned and scared. If you want a fearful avoidant ex back, avoid making their fear of rejection and abandonment worse.
Set boundaries that make contact safe and respectful for you and for your dismissive avoidant ex at the same time. E.g. “I’m okay with a text every couple of days, but I’m not okay with a week with no contact.”
Avoidants can communicate very well on a variety of subjects, but what an avoidant ex wants from a conversation is often not what an anxiously attached ex feels is a “good conversation”.
How long should you keep trying to get back a fearful avoidant ex? I want to say, as long as it takes, but that’s not realistic. Not everyone gets their ex back. Sometimes it’s too little too late.
Since your avoidant ex is the one who asked you not to contact him, you have no choice but to respect his wish. You’re not abandoning him, you’re respecting his wishes and his boundaries.
When you ignore a dismissive avoidant is that they won’t recognize it as rejection, and they won’t get anxious because dismissive avoidants are confident that you will reach out at some point.
This is how you’d want someone you love to reassure you, but when dealing with a fearful avoidant ex, it can backfire. They feel overwhelmed and distances, and you end up feeling rejected and abandoned.