Every client is different, and I try as much as possible to work with what a client is uncomfortable with. For example, some clients prefer to have an action plan for the next two months and want to know the exact steps they should take, and some clients prefer short term goal planning and going with the flow.
Both approaches have pros and cons.
1) Long action plan:
Pros – It gives more clarity on which steps or actions to prioritize and rather than reacting to what happens day-to day, you keep your eyes on the end-game. It also reduces distractions.
Cons – It may limit your ability to make quick adjustments especially if contact and communication is still unstable and there is no strong emotional connection or show of interest that an ex wants to give things a chance.
2) Going with the flow/as things happen:
Pros – You are more likely to make progress faster because going with the flow allows you to quickly change course if what you are doing isn’t working. It also easier to measure progress/or lack of in real time.
Cons – You may find yourself caught up in day -to day emotions and lose sight of the long-term goal of attracting back your ex.
I have found that in the beginning of the process, when there are still left-over emotions from the break-up, communication is infrequent and/or your ex is showing no or little interest, it is best to go with “going with the flow” approach. Then when things look more promising change to long-term planning.
If your ex is dealing with personal issues (e.g. depression, inability to forgive you, loss), your ex wants to be friends for now, your ex is prioritizing their self-work or single life over a relationship, your ex is a classic dismissive avoidant, and if there is someone else in your ex’s life, it’s best to have long-term plan plan but go with the flow so you are more able to respond to current events more effectively.
In coaching, we work together to determine what works best for your situation both short term and long term, and I help you implement your plan of action.