Every client is different, and I try as much as possible to work with what a client is uncomfortable with. For example, some clients prefer to have an action plan for the next two months and want to know the exact steps they should take, and some clients prefer short term goal planning and going with the flow.
Both approaches have pros and cons.
1) Long term planning:
Pros – It gives more clarity on which steps or actions to prioritize and rather than reacting to what happens day-to day, you keep your eyes on the end-game. It also reduces distractions.
Cons – It may limit your ability to make quick adjustments based on the results you see and it’s not always easy to track progress.
2) Short term goals:
Pros – You are more likely to make progress faster because short term planning allows you to quickly change course if what you are doing isn’t working. It also easier to measure progress/or lack of in real time.
Cons – You may find yourself caught up in day -to day emotions and lose sight of the long-term goal of attracting back your ex.
I have found that in the beginning of the process, when there are still left-over emotions from the break-up, communication is infrequent and/or your ex is showing no or little interest, it is best to go with the short-term goals approach. Then when things look more promising change to long-term planning.
If your ex is dealing with personal issues (e.g. depression, inability to forgive you, loss), your ex wants to be friends for now, your ex is prioritizing their self-work or single life over a relationship, your ex is a classic dismissive avoidant, and if there is someone else in your ex’s life, the long-term planning approach with some short-term goals works best.
In coaching, we work together to determine what works best for your situation both short term and long term, and I help you implement your plan of action.